In 2023, Rob Cross authored a book titled ‘The Microstress Effect – How Little Things Pile Up and Create Big Problems – and What to Do about It’. Here, he coined and described a new term - microstress. ‘Microstress isn't the big, obvious stressors we readily acknowledge. Instead, it's the constant drip, drip, drip of small, seemingly insignificant pressures that accumulate over time, eroding our well-being. These micro-pressures often stem from our closest relationships – family, friends, and colleagues – making them particularly difficult to identify and address.’
Cross wrote that acute stress triggers our fight-or-flight response, while microstress operates below our conscious radar. ‘Our brains don't fully register these small pressures as threats, yet their cumulative impact can be devastating, leading to chronic fatigue, burnout, and a diminished quality of life.’
Why Does Microstress Affect Mothers?
Unlike traditional stress which is caused by major life events or professional pressure, this subtle form of stress can subtly impact physical and mental health. Unfortunately, mothers are often at the receiving end because of the routine pressures they experience every day which go unrecognised as stressors. One doesn’t usually react to each of them because they seem harmless, but over time their cumulative effect can be hugely damaging.
Imagine always having to be available on your child’s school WhatsApp group and respond instantly. Or to reply to work emails late at night. Or perhaps reschedule your routine because of someone else’s needs in the family. Or even just feel compelled to meet friends and family when you’re not upto it. You may not look at these occurrences as particularly stressful, and therefore fail to address them. Technology overload has only made things worse for mothers, who have to manage the pressures of parenting while constantly staying ‘on’ for emails, messages, calls and notifications. Couple this with social media comparisons – mothers baking pumpkin seed bread from scratch, or kids receiving international awards – and it just subconsciously adds to the burden.
How Does Microstress Impact Mothers?
‘The labour of being a mother is usually invisible,’ says psychologist Dr Manjula MK. ‘But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. It involves managing logistics and schedules. A client who was clearly stressed out once came to me. She said her husband would happily take over childcare duties if she had to go out to work or a social engagement. However, she would still have to plan and prepare meals for the kids, keep their nightclothes out, and give instructions on dos and don’ts for the evening. She would also have to smooth over conflicts in the family and absorb everyone else’s stress. To make matters worse, she was trying to meet parenting ideals, which had her at her wits’ end. This societal need to always be productive, balanced, and happy was taking its toll on her.’
Dr Manjula’s client is not alone. Across the world, women are exhausted emotionally and find themselves feeling resentful in their personal and professional relationships, without being able to put a finger on why. Their efforts and contributions aren’t valued or recognised. It also impacts physical health by causing lowered immunity, gut issues, migraines, stress in the shoulder region, disrupted sleep, and mental clutter, which affects cognitive health. Yet, mothers choose to ignore it and plod along, because microstress doesn’t manifest in the same way as a panic attack or depression.
How Can You Resolve Microstress?
It can’t be achieved overnight, but Dr Manjula suggests certain steps to ensure you resolve it slowly and systematically.
1. The first step is identification. Look back on the day and maintain a record of your tasks and accomplishments, what your stressors were in achieving them, how you felt or reacted with the behaviour of others around you, or the circumstances you found yourself in. Did anything drain you out or cause discomfort? Make a note so that you’re aware.
2. Set boundaries. You don’t have to be ‘on’ and ‘available’ to everyone all the time. Try to set clear limits at work, ensure you maintain good digital hygiene by checking messages every couple of hours, instead of constantly. You don’t have to show up for every coffee meeting, neither do you need to appease friends and family at the cost of your health and emotional energy. Request your partner to share the mental load for parenting; just being around isn’t enough. Don’t feel guilty asserting your needs.
3. Consciously work on restoration habits to combat microstress, such as deep breathing or meditation. Read a book, spend time in nature, and find a hobby that you love. Pursue exercise for at least 40 minutes every day and spend fun, quality time with your child, rather than just yelling at them. Get enough sleep and shoot down conversations that glorify multitasking.